modern fairy tales

A Written-Down Reality Series !

bedtime stories
Available now!

Over fifty contemporary takes on myths,
fairy tales,
and Bible stories,
"Bedtime Stories for Insomniacs"
focuses primarily on human nature,
socially accepted cruelty,
the victim culture,
pop psychology,
puerile "uplift" books,
the destructive downside to traditionalism,
taking refuge in clich├ęs and catchphrases as a means of avoiding reality,
and the catastrophic consequences of a dumbed-down society !

modern fairy talesFirst there was, (or were) "Fractured Fairy Tales."
Then "Politically Correct Fairy Tales."
Then all those "Shrek" movies.
Now, just when you thought you'd had about enough,
here comes "Bedtime Stories for Insomniacs"
to take you where "Once upon a time" never managed to take you before!


Once upon a time, back when Froot Loops and Play-Doh came in only three colors (black, white, and gray),
a young princess dropped her golden ball down a well.
There was a sudden yelp of pain, and a large bullfrog emerged from the well,
holding the golden ball in one hand and rubbing his head, where the ball had landed, with the other.
"Who belongs to this?" he croaked.
"Oh, thank you, kind frog," the princess said.
"May I have my ball back now, please?"
The frog held the ball just out of the princess' reach and said, "What's in it for me?"
The princess offered, "I'll ask my daddy, the King, to make you a knight."
The frog yawned. "I'll share my candy bar with you."
She held up a confection of dates, nuts, and marzipan.
"No, thanks," the frog said. "If it ain't chocolate, it ain't a candy bar."
"I'll give you my collection of doll replicas of heroines of recent animated features."
"Pass," said the disinterested frog.
The princess sighed and tried again. "Well, what do you want?"
"Will you be my friend and visit me and read me stories and invite me for sleep-overs?" the frog asked hopefully.
The princess' patience was at an end. "Look, cricket, just hand over the ball and I promise not to have you executed."
"Okay, be like that," the frog said, poised to drop the ball back in the well. "Here it goes."
"Oh, no," the princess said quickly. "Look, how about if I...kiss you? Will that do?"
"Now you're talking," the frog said, puckering up.
"First gimme the ball," the princess said. The frog did.
Leaning down toward the frog, the princess warned,
"If you tell anybody..." And she kissed his moist green brow.
As you might have guessed, the frog turned into a prince, a handsome young prince just the princess' age.
The princess blushed and turned away:
you didn't think the prince would appear fully dressed if the frog hadn't had any clothes on, did you? That would be silly.
He retained, however, the frog's dimensions: large for a bullfrog, sure, but rather minuscule for a human.
As precariously positioned on the edge of the well as he was,
the prince, having lost the frog's webbed feet, found himself in danger of falling in.
Which he did.
"Oh, do please help me out of this well," the young prince called up.
"What's in it for me?" the princess asked.

bedtime stories books-parodies link to book

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